In Memory
by trollnexus
Summary: Nagini felt the human emotion called love for a human who could not feel love at all.


**Title**: In Memory

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing in the Harry Potter universe. All information either comes from the series, the wiki page, or is conjecture based on the aforementioned.

**Pairings**: None.

**Rating**: T

**Warnings**: Pretty much the canonical horror you expect of a story involving Voldemort. Not really graphic.

**Summary**: Nagini felt the human emotion called love for a human who could not feel love at all.

**Word Count**: 2,315

**Author's Note**: This was written for Round 7 of the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition, Season 2.

It is unclear when exactly Voldemort met Nagini, so I decided to have him meet her in the Albanian forest the second time he fled there, which would be after the whole Quirrell episode.

Also, although the movie showed Voldemort's temporary physical form as some sort of deformed baby thing that Peter tossed into the cauldron, the book says he was more of a hideous child, which makes sense, since he was able to kill Bertha in that form. I mean, come on, can you imagine a baby thing waving a wand? I think not.

.x.x.

_In Memory_

She could not remember what her life was like before him.

No, this was not a romantic sentiment—it was simply a fact. There were a few occasions when she happened to look at a particular patch of dirt and twigs and felt a vague recollection of _home_, but for the most part everything was hazy and irrelevant before his arrival into her life.

Memory did not work for her back then like it did after she met Master; there was no linearity. She remembered not moments but sensations—warmth and coolness, roughness and softness, hunger and fullness.

Then he came along.

.x.x.

He was not a physical entity when he arrived, not like another snake nor like prey. Instead, he was a new sensation, a feeling as if another creature had crawled into and inhabited her body.

Naturally, she was terrified, opening her mouth and trying to expel him.

"Stop fighting," said the sensation inside her. "I mean you no harm. I just need a body."

"Get your own," she hissed pitifully. The sensation felt somewhat uncomfortable. "I have no room for you."

"I'm lost; I just need to borrow your body for a bit until I can find my own, understand?"

She stopped slithering. "Why _my_ body?"

The sensation seemed to smile, and she felt warmer inside. "Let's just say you and I have a particular kinship, shall we?"

Somehow sensing that it was pointless to fight any longer, she put up with it, letting the sensation steer her towards the direction it wanted to go.

After they passed the fourth tree and the tenth pebble, however, she had to ask. "Do you even know how to feed us, intruder?"

"I'm open to new ideas."

"I knew it. You don't know what you're doing."

"To be fair, this isn't the body to which I am accustomed."

"Can you just stop—stop _steering_ for a bit and let me find some nourishment? Trust me with that much?"

There was a pause as the sensation considered her words. "My life is in your hands," it conceded reluctantly.

"Don't be ridiculous; I have no hands."

.x.x.

The moon went through many cycles as she continued this odd relationship with the sensation. After a while, she learned that it had a name: Lord Voldemort.

This didn't mean much to her, of course, but the sensation didn't like being considered a _thing_, so she called it by those sounds to placate it. The other creatures in the forest eyed her fearfully every time she slithered along, knowing she was harbouring the presence, but she simply considered this a perk. Now she didn't have to worry about other snakes fighting her for food. She felt rather grand.

Another perk to having the sensation inside her was experiencing a clarity of mind she had never possessed before. Now, instead of simply feeling, she could also think and make sense of what she felt.

The sensation had many thoughts, many plans. It also felt emotions more complex than she had ever known. Desperation. Longing. Frustration. All of which she had only felt in a more concrete sense before, relating to food, but the presence wanted more than mere sustenance for the belly.

"Do you think you'll ever find the body you seek?"

The sensation hissed sharply. "I must. There is no question. I must."

She stopped questioning it after that.

.x.x.

Life with the sensation was a strain. She began to grow exhausted at some point, heaving and occasionally losing her appetite. Her body was not meant to contain so much.

The sensation felt the strain, too, and it periodically left her body to either ride the wind or inhabit other bodies. At these moments she could have just turned tail and left, but one does not share a body with something else without feeling rather attached to it.

"I'm sorry I'm such a poor vessel," she whispered to it, even as she lay limp on the forest floor.

"On the contrary, you've been the most resilient vessel so far. I just despise this situation in general."

If she could have smiled, she would have. She loved being "resilient."

As they spoke, a rat approached them.

The sensation appeared to eye it warily, though how she knew this, she couldn't explain.

To her alarm, the rat suddenly turned into a fat, balding human. She reared back, baring her fangs.

"No!" The sensation sounded relieved. "Don't attack, darling. This is my servant, come home at last."

"Master," cried out the rat-turned-human, bending down to simper. "I thought you were lost forever!"

She tucked away her fangs and watched them interact, somewhat disappointed at being deprived of a juicy meal, but at least the sensation was happy now.

.x.x.

"Must I really allow this disgusting creature to _milk_ me?"

"Nagini," whispered her companion, who was now somewhat physical, taking the form of a scaly human child.

He was beautiful. She rubbed her head on his approximation of a leg, seeking comfort.

"I need the help of your venom to keep me alive. You don't want me inside your body forever, do you?"

"No," she conceded. It was hard to deny anything to something so adorable.

In the background, the fat ugly human whimpered at the sound of their conversation, which he clearly could not understand. She felt like spitting on him for even daring to touch her in the first place. There was many a time when she just wanted to eat him in his rat form, but her companion forbade it.

She sighed and changed the subject. "So this body of yours isn't your final body, I take it?"

"Definitely not. But it is better than straining you, isn't it? And now I can do _this_."

He leaned down and stroked her scales with his new limb. She arched into his touch.

This was definitely an improvement.

"Alright. Tell the creature he may approach me now. If he tries any funny stuff, though, I am not responsible for what my fangs might do."

Her companion smiled. "I wouldn't have you any other way, my darling."

.x.x.

She stared at the female human who lay crumpled on the floor. Her master had just waved his special stick and ended her after a very violent conversation.

"Nagini," her master crooned before the body was even cold. "Don't tell me you feel remorse for the likes of _her_."

She hissed derisively. "As if. I am just mourning the loss of a perfectly good meal."

He emitted a cold chuckle, and she let the sound wash over her. "I will give you something even better than a meal. Come closer."

She obeyed, for she loved Master's gifts.

He stroked her scales for a moment, his touch lingering, before he moved away and waved his stick in a complicated series of motions.

An odd feeling enveloped her, almost as if he were entering her again like he did in the forest, but the sensation was somewhat more acute.

"Master!" Her body writhed of its own accord. "What is happening?"

He lowered his stick, satisfied. "Now you'll never be alone. You'll always carry me inside you."

She trembled. "But I thought you said it was not good for you to be inside me for too long."

"This is different," he reassured her. "This is just a tiny fragment of my soul. You can handle that for your entire life and then some. In fact, you'll live forever, if I have anything to say about it. Consider this our...bonding."

She inhaled and then looked up at him. "You mean it, Master? We are now bonded?"

He rested his limb on her, warming her scales. "I will never leave you now."

She couldn't remember if she had ever wanted something like this before she met him, but she wanted it now.

.x.x.

Sometimes, when she slept at her Master's side, she could see visions of a miserable little place filled with human children.

Master was one of them, though he looked much softer than he did now in his scaly form. The other children were cruel to him, getting into fights and making fun of the way he could move objects with his mind. They were probably jealous.

Whenever he brooded, she wanted to just drape herself on his shoulders and comfort him.

She never spoke of the visions when she woke up. Somehow, she knew he wouldn't appreciate the reminders of his past.

.x.x.

"Master," she cried in the graveyard, slithering over to his prone figure. "I thought you were going to feed me the boy." She knew she sounded petulant, but she desperately wanted food. Now she only ate when Master said so, a reversal of the situation back in the forest.

He snarled, but she sensed that his anger was not being directed towards her. "I know, my dear. He has thwarted me again, but this is the last time! I will exact my revenge a hundred times over."

She slithered onto his new body, enjoying the warmth and solidity he now had. His chest was firm, the perfect place to rest.

"What will you do now, Master? You've found the body you wanted."

He got up and paced, carrying her onto his shoulders. "I have plans, my dear. Plans. And you will help me with a great many of them."

"I am in your hands, Master. Especially since you actually have them now."

.x.x.

He kept his promise. She really did have the chance to help him with many, many plans. Her favourite was devouring the body of that floating woman at the table, but she also liked biting the older redheaded man and that child that kept upsetting her Master.

She regretted letting said child escape, though. That blast of light from the girl who accompanied him had hurt terribly, and it had taken her a long time to recover. Master was clearly upset that she failed to hold the boy in place, but he said nothing cruel to her about it.

He was a merciful master.

Which was why she was confused when one day he picked her up and placed her in a cage.

"Master!" She threw herself against the wall of the cage, only to find it unyielding. "Why are you locking me away? You know I hate confinement!"

"This is for your protection, Nagini. That boy will try to exact revenge on you one day, and I can't bear to lose you."

His voice seemed to tremble, and she stopped struggling, looking up into his face, which only showed concern. He loved her that much?

"Oh, Master." She rested her head on the floor of the cage. "I understand, but I shall be unbearably lonely."

"I will keep you company, my darling. Cage or not, I'm still never leaving your side."

She sighed. "I guess...I guess I can bear with it for a while. Will you still feed me?"

"Of course, my dear. In fact, I already know where to find your next meal."

She settled into the cage. Anything could be borne, as long as he loved her.

.x.x.

The blood of the greasy-haired man still flowed in her as she watched the chaos around her. Stone walls were being blasted into rubble, and human screams filled the air. Many of them were running around, waving their sticks and letting loose beams of multi-coloured lights.

Master was triumphantly happy, happier than she had ever seen him. She now felt an emotion he had once labeled affection as she watched his grinning face, and this emotion was new to her, only made possible by the fact that she carried him around with her at all times.

She could not remember what her life was like before him, but she remembered a lot about what her life was after him. Instead of scrounging around the forest for food, she was fed by someone else, and Master made sure to take care of her every need. Master shared his experiences with her and took her with him everywhere he went. He spoke to her as warmly as she ever heard him speak to anyone, and though he never exactly said he loved her, she felt that he must, for why else would he be so attached to her?

She shared his nightmares, his memories of a desolate childhood, and his dreams of a future where he would be untouched. Though she herself never wanted anything more than food and security, she could feel his bloodlust and his ambition course through her veins thanks to the part of him she carried with her always.

He had finally let her out of the cage today upon the death of that horrid child, and she watched his beautifully pale hands set fire to the hat stuck on some other child's head.

She was glad to be here for this moment. Maybe now her Master would finally find permanent happiness, rather than mere triumph or smugness.

She was so busy watching his beauty that she never saw it coming.

One moment she was adoring every step he took, and the next moment she felt an excruciating sense of loss and displacement.

As the upper half of her body flew up into the air, she didn't even take note of the lower half she was leaving behind to lie limply on the ground.

She was watching him, watching the triumph drain out of his face, only to be replaced by—something else.

In her last moments of awareness, she realised that he was not mourning for her. The look on the face was not the look of a man losing his loved one.

He looked like he was losing his own life.

As she felt his essence separating itself from her body, she knew.

He never loved her.

She was simply his own protective cage, and now she was broken.


End file.
